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-The Moon in the Door- by HennaLucas -The Moon in the Door- by HennaLucas

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Edit: wow, haven't even thought of this story for three years and suddenly I get a DD for it! Thanks so much for the sudden attention and responses: it means a lot. If any of y'all like my writing, you can check out my wattpad here!


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So guys, "Keeping Things Whole" has kind of been dead for awhile. I don't know what to do with it and I'm not passionate about it any more. But I have a good feeling about this new draft: Shiloh and Mel (not sure if that will still be her name) are in it, it's just a different plot. So I apologize for that, but I'm happy with how this is turning out so far.

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When Shiloh Tucker was born, his life expectancy was that of any other child, until he was diagnosed with a congenial heart defect as an infant. But after seventeen years of being told he would die, Shiloh Tucker is very much alive, with one little catch: after his heart failed him in infancy, his brain lost too much oxygen in the occipital lobe. So in short, he's certainly kicking, but he has been legally blind since his fourth week of life.
Compromise. That’s what life’s about, isn’t it?
Shiloh doesn't see it that way- he doesn't like it one bit. But his lack of sight certainly never held him back from a good fistfight, and three expulsions and a broken nose later, Shiloh Tucker is being sent to live with his estranged father's relatives in Nantucket, Massachusetts, where he just might find that there's more to sight than simply seeing.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2015-10-18
-The Moon in the Door- by HennaLucas is a brilliant opening to a novel, built on solid details, strong characterization, and excellent dialogue. Be sure to read other works in this budding author's gallery.  ( Featured by LiliWrites )
:iconlindartz:
LindArtz Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015

Congratulations on your DD! :clap:!

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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Student Writer
Thanks! ^^
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:icongryffgirl:
Gryffgirl Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015
Your writing always astounds me!  Congratulations on your DD! :clap:
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Student Writer
haha thank you! 
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:iconroguemudblood:
RogueMudblood Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015   Writer
You've definitely got a brilliant first chapter and prologue here. The characters are introduced wonderfully. I like the style of the chapter a bit more than the preface, I admit freely, but the opening of the preface certainly grabbed my attention to keep me reading. One thing that does bother me about the preface is the statement regarding him watching "late night television" directly after talking about him as a toddler. I can appreciate perhaps a preteen staying up late and listening to the two AM infomercials, but it's not something I would ascribe to a toddler. If you did mean for him to be older with respect to that statement, you might add "over time" or "through the years" after "other tactics" to give a better sense of it.

There are a few other things I'd like to bring to your attention - all minor, I assure you, and merely on the technical side of things.
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Something seems to be missing here:
"Well the thing is, professor, I'm trying this new thing called being honest. And I'm not the type of person to deny myself the simple pleasure of stating
It just stops abruptly, then the next sentence begins. There's a blank space, so I'm wondering if possibly something didn't transfer properly to the PDF file?

Typo:
a young Shiloh would often led

Possible typo:
Lilah Tucker was indefinitely and undoubtedly cross.
It's an unusual use of "indefinitely".
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Other than those few things, I didn't notice anything particularly distracting about the story. It certainly kept my attention, and I would certainly keep reading if this were the Amazon "Look Inside" blurb. There are also some things you did that I loved that I want to point out:
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The opening paragraph of the prologue is a wonderful method of characterization, and I love the repetition there. Where it might not appeal in other places, in that particular instance it's perfect because it puts emphasis on what shapes - and if we're to be honest, controls - Shiloh's life.

I absolutely adore this:
"Why?" The question left her mouth and sat between them, crossed its legs, and made itself comfortable.
It's a perfect moment for just that slight bit of levity, not distracting the reader from the gravity of Shiloh's actions or the situation he and Lilah now find themselves in, but punctuating it with that bit of dry wit which makes one giggle uncontrollably in many situations.

Excellent use of the word "bemused"! It's so often misused it's wonderful to see it applied correctly.

You've introduced just enough of Lilah's past to make her a completely intriguing character on her own, which is wonderful. And you haven't given us her entire biography, but just enough to make us sympathize with her as a mother who has a difficult teenage son and has made some questionable choices in her life. Most of us have made choices which we aren't necessarily proud of, so it's a terrific way to humanize her.
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Overall, this is a very gripping story with very real characters. It's introduced wonderfully, and you've definitely a certain style to your writing which makes it terrific.

Thanks so much for sharing - and congratulations on the DD feature!
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Student Writer
Oh! Yes thanks: there are a lot of typos in this, as it was a rough draft I wrote like three years ago lol I appreciate the DD but I'll admit that I'm surprised that it was on a work this old!
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:iconlilsketchmemory:
LilSketchMemory Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I never thought I'd see myself crying over a 13 page 1st chapter, but you've managed that and you did it so beautifully. Please keep writing this, because rarely do I pick up a book, but this one has captured my undivided attention. Well done!!!
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Student Writer
Well thank you very much! This is actually a pretty old piece, which is why I'm certainly surprised about the DD, but if you want to read more of my recent writing, you can check out my wattpad: www.wattpad.com/user/hennaluca…
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :DALove: by Ikue
Have a nice day! :love: by CookiemagiK
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Student Writer
Thanks :)
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure! 5 seconds hug by Bad-Blood
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:iconprincesswanderer:
princesswanderer Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2015  Student Writer
your last name is always changing
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2015  Student Writer
I am an eternal, ever changing goddess
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:iconprincesswanderer:
princesswanderer Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2015  Student Writer
C: 
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:iconinkyrabbit:
inkyrabbit Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Student
This is so abominably amazing I don't even know what to say, except keep up the phenomenal work and try to avoid using very so much at the beginning: D
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconcayiko:
cayiko Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012
Before today I wouldn't have believed that I could cry over characters I've been exposed to for just thirteen pages.
You are an amazing writer, really.
... and I can barely remember a handful of other times I cried when reading.
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:iconcherushii13:
Cherushii13 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Student
This is an amazing storyline! I love Shiloh's personality, and his story (And such a unique name!) and I can't wait to read the rest of the story :)
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:iconmidnight4200:
Midnight4200 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
if a kid named CYRIL was being a nub to me, i'd break his nose too.

anyway, i love your writing. it's definitely more than words.
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:iconkirakirabubble:
KiraKiraBubble Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
:iconmegustaplz:
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:icondreamingoflight:
dreamingoflight Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Writer
It's not on Wattpad..... :(
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Writer
There we go, it's been fixed
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:icondreamingoflight:
dreamingoflight Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student Writer
thanks!!
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:iconmidshipmank:
MidshipmanK Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
You write so beautifully. <3 I definitely like the sound of this book, even though this is just the beginning. I love the plot, too, and I guess it's okay that I don't know the previous plot....
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:iconstarlingthefairy:
starlingthefairy Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student General Artist
This is so beautifully written- the characters are fantastic, they're so real.
The way you write just... I can't even explain it. It makes my heart feel good.
It makes me happy to know there are people like you that exist in my lifetime.
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:iconandiree:
andiree Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Digital Artist
OOO, NICE PLOT
that's different
I will definitely enjoy this new
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:iconemosugarcube:
emosugarcube Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
Love it! couldn't vote for it there, but I'm voting here! KEEP GOING WITH IT!!!
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:iconmagnetic-dysprosium:
Magnetic-Dysprosium Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love what you've got so far <3

The link isn't working for me, though D:
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Writer
yeah, Wattpad is spazzing out right now so :(
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:iconmagnetic-dysprosium:
Magnetic-Dysprosium Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So do you have more of the story there, or is it just what you have here?
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:iconhennalucas:
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Student Writer
Just what I have so far
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:iconmagnetic-dysprosium:
Magnetic-Dysprosium Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ok. Thanks!
Reply
:iconultimatemegageo:
UltimateMegaGeo Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sounds pretty good, but my damn eye is hurting so I can't read it right.
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:iconnicolle14:
Nicolle14 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
I think this sounds really interesting
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:iconcrispywondermint:
CrispyWonderMint Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Student Writer
Love it so far, and the lessons that could be learned with it. :thumbsup:

Picking a couple of phsycial ailments that aren't seen too often really caught my attention. Yes, cancer is viscious and can destroy a life, but sometimes people live even when their illnesses suggest they should have been dead long ago, too.

Very interested to see how you'll play out Shiloh being legally blind. My dad has been since birth for reasons different than Shiloh, so I'm excited to see another's perspective with the obstacle.
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:iconbillytheixi:
billytheixi Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012
I love it so far! I found Lilah's character very interesting, and I'd love to see a picture of her.

You're a huge writing inspiration to me. It's nice to see what you're working on now! :D
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:iconkiwifyed:
Kiwifyed Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love it! I'll admit when I first read that you were changing it I was upset because I'd grown quite attached to the "Keeping Things Whole" but this is great! Will all of the old characters be in this series with the exception of Shiloh's father?
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:iconmy-secret-world:
My-secret-world Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh My God!!:jawdrop: I have never read a peice of brittish Fiction that I loved so much as this(Well, besides The Chronicles of Narnia:shrug:). This is BLOODY AMAZING!!!!! I love this so much please, please, please continue this. Unfortunately I don't have a Wattpad so I can't vote but if I did it would have my vote.:love:
Reply
:iconravenclaw209:
RAVENCLAW209 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh gosh this is really good :)
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