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Submitted on
July 17, 2012
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-Better Off- by HennaLucas -Better Off- by HennaLucas
"Do you know what itís like to be invisible? Do you understand how it feels to be suffocated by years of isolation? According to the world, I donít existóI have no identity or future to speak of, and sometimes I find myself awoken at night with this crippling fear that theyíre rightóthat I am nothing. When people tell you something enough, you start to believe it. And it makes me panicked and sad and scared all the time! Sometimes I feel like Iím not even realóthat I donít really exist anymore. Iíve lost count of all the times Iíve sat on my bed and whispered my name out loud just so I can convince myself that I wonítówonítóIím not even sure anymoreóthat I wonít disappear? Crumble into dust? Cease to exist entirely? I donít know! Thatís what frightens me so much! Because Iím stuck: Iím trapped in thisóthis endless cycle and no-one even knows Iím here! I feel like I could scream and hit my fists against the walls and nobody would even hear me!Ē[...] "Even in this place, even with you and your family for company, I feel alone because no matter how hard I try, I know that Iím not one of you. I canít be, not when these lines have been so clearly drawn. I want to be so muchóI want a family again, but I donít belong here because Iím a danger and a burden to you. Just the thought that you all would be better off without me quite honestly terrifies me."
óBenjamin Jastrow
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theexpressivepeople Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2013  Professional General Artist
Oh wow.. this is beautiful.
NADreamer Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Is this from a book? If so, I'd like to read it.
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Student Writer
It's from my own book, Paper Stars
NADreamer Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Cool. Is there somewhere I can read it online or would I have to look for a hard copy, because somehow I doubt I'll find it in a bookstore where I live:)
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Student Writer
here's a link to it on Wattpad, though you better read fast, since I'm taking it down soon: [link]
NADreamer Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. :) School just started so I don't have much time but I'll try to read it before you take it down.
Grod86 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
I do know what its like to be invisible. Sometimes its a good thing, a good thing to distance yourself away from the things that are around you. But its up to you where you end up. There is none that can give you more joy then yourself. The feeling to be apart of a family or anything is good, But even better when you create it yourself.
Prismgal Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2012  Student Writer
*sigh* I remember when I first read The Paper Stars: I sat at my computer and sobbed, laughed, and occasionally cried out, "awww!" and this was a point where my tears were trying before the tear ducts started working again. I get way too sentimental about my characters.
indigocean Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
This is adorable ^^ Though I have to say, this quote is just as complicated and even longer than the one you disliked in John Green's book, and aren't the characters roughly the same age? So...
HennaLucas Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Student Writer
It's broken up in the actual book, the character speaking is from the 1940s and well-educated, and this is said in a fit of passion as they fight, and not in one long stretch. He's distressed and he is admitting his feelings, and it's clear that he stutters and struggles to think of the correct way to say this. Also, this is also technically translated from German by an elderly woman whom English is her second language, so it's bound to be a bit more eloquent than when Benjamin said it. And he also uses pretty simple words to explain himself. While Augustus is discussing the earth and eternity and "the void" and turning to dust in a grand scheme of things, Benjamin is only talking about his own problems and how they apply to himself (as most teenagers think) and uses more adolescent words such as "sad", "scared", "invisible", "trapped". And if you compare these words to that of the writings of Anne Frank, who was very close in age to Benjamin when she did a lot of her writing (and even younger), the syntax is very similar.
Hopefully this lessens the hypocrisy.
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